Funny Drivers

Funny people who have driven me (Discofurby) and my family.

The Roast Duck Taxi Driver
This was a tall, old man with ruddy skin and a grey suit. When I heard I did school from home, he misheard it as "from Holland." I like animals so I was talking about how cool ducks are and he said "Yes, and you can pick them up, cut their heads off, take out their feathers, boil them in water and roast them!" and I am very empathetic and a vegetarian so I said "Poor duck."

The iPod Bus Driver
This was a man with white stubble and he could be grumpy. If someone had their feet on a seat, he'd say "OTHER PEOPLE want to SIT there, so keep your FEET OFF!!" and he once intimidated me by saying "WHERE are you GOING!". Well, one day he said that i-pods were okay unless they were too loud, but that he heard one, and he started rambling on about "I can still hear that i-pod! It's a no-no! and absolute no-no! Still going!" which is comedy gold because the person with the i-pod probably couldn't HEAR him, so it took all I had not to laugh!

The Bus Driver Who Wouldn't Let One Incident Go
This was a man who kept kidding about how he might fall asleep at the wheel so we'd better have our seat-belts on. He also talked about how anyone could hear you talking on the phone and told about how he heard a woman talking on the phone and know he knows her ex-boyfriend, that she wanted to take a bath, plus other personal details. That woman had that conversation five years ago.

The Dramatic Taxi Driver
An old man who was driving my mother. She was talking about our life, but he glitzed it up a bit.

What she said= in the country with four cats. What he said= a farm.

What she said= a teenage daughter who does homeschooling (me) What he said= a teenage daughter who receives a superb education from her farm.

What she said= a husband who is a composer and writes a few songs, plus music for TV in his studio What he said= a husband who composes beautiful music.

What she said= I'm a university graduate. What he said= You're a classical scholar.

The Grumpy Taxi Driver
An old lady who complained about the weather being too hot, too cold, too wet or too dry, and I said "make the most of it."

The Bus Driver Who Told the Rules In a Weird Way.
No hot food= sandwiches are okay, but hot food, if someone has a dicky tummy, it might be enough to make it go over the edge (squick!)

Wear your seat belt= It's not my fault if you ignore the seat belt law and get fined.

Don't leave possessions on board= We get so many items left on the coach, it's not funny! Even wedding rings! I don't know if they got divorced, or it was an accident, but please take your belongings with you.

The Friendly Taxi Driver
He is almost our friend, he tells us how his children are doing, and how he comes from India and sometimes comes back there. He even tells us the T.M.I. stuff about his children like how he was glad they were potty-trained. One time he told us a cute story: he and his wife ate kebabs while his children were put to bed, but they said "We don't wanna sleep!" so he had to buy kebabs for them. He's so used to noisy children that if I (I am much older than his kids) am deep in thought, he says "She's very quiet. Is she asleep?"

The Bus Driver Who Talked About Toilets A Lot
He was a man who, before we got on, told us in a frantic voice "There's no toilet stop for TWO HOURS! So don't see me in ONE hour, because we'd be on the road." He told us again when we got on the bus, and when we stopped to fill the bus up, he told us again, adding "I know you'll think I'm obsessed with the loo", and when we did get to the stop, one man went to the bathroom.

The Friendly Bus Driver
He is my great-aunt's ex, who is still a friend, so he is sort of my almost-great-uncle. He tells us stories on the bus and is generally friendly.